{click} So I think I'm going in a bit more of a simplistic style for my edits, I hope that's okay. Do you guys ever feel like you're wasting your years? Wasting your youth? I recently heard "Wasting My Young Years" by London Grammar, and it really opened my eyes for this. Like, every thing I do is so shallow. I get up, I eat breakfast, I go to school, come home, do homework, and sleep. This is when I should be finding myself, making discoveries. But I'm not. And when I'm sad, I find out things about myself I never would have known. Like, I blame myself. And if there is a blade anywhere in the house, I will find it. But when I'm happy, I feel so normal, like there's no depth to me at all. Nothing to discover, nothing to write about. Nothing to make me an artist.

merry (late) Xmas💕

and I kinda feel the same way (about wasting my years)

I FŪCKING LOVE THIS SONG

and i relate boi

wowza thank you

OML I WISH

THE QUEEN IS DEAS

*DEAD

the best songs are cemetery gates, there is a light that never goes out, and bigmouth strikes again

no no don't say that

oh I'm sorry

it's fine

the hunger games

she was being Katniss for Halloween

lmàò same. I'm seeing him tomorrow

oh thx

i don't have any new chapters

ah i don't even know what i'm doing thank you for reminding me ill remix it it's not gravity tho

it's my spam book

lol I'm a waste in general

thank you fren!!

i saw arrival for the second time

thanks for the spam of likes🐝 also I like this style of edit it's rlly nice

aw ty fren

but I doubt your cheeks are disgusting

💝🎉Happy New Year🎉💝

hey! I got my channel linked in my bio now if you wanna go check that out :D

She stayed over because her parents went to Italy without her for a week. We didn't realize the snow would happen, and I was thinking that school would make a week easier. Since we live in Hilly areas, any snow can be dangerous for the busses. The whole week was off, I had no time alone to escape from it, and it was making me on edge. The balloon was a random thing, we did a lot of stuff out of boredom. Because we were snowed in. For a week, never apart. We did a lot of things to alleviate boredom; we've known each other since first grade, we do all kinds of silly shît when we're bored. I wasn't seething, I was freaking the fûck out. That time spent is what triggered the depression into overdrive. it's like when I went to Louisiana on that mission trip; that last night I panicked. hard. But my relationship with them has become severely unhealthy; I'm terrified of ever having to go back, because I know I would sink further. They made me invalid, and didn't give me any help at all when I asked for barely any. Then they acted as if they understood, when they later told my mother that they knew I was hurting very deeply. they couldn't handle me as a person. they wouldn't speak to me. they told me my problems weren't real to the point where I was having meltdowns all the time. everything I have that connects to them is a little bit of terror for me. they're nice things, but I'm so severely emotionally damaged by them that these things scare me. I want nothing to do with them. they aren't trying to understand at this point; I've been out of school for four months without any contact. they just want me back. I'm not going to go back this year, and probably not the next. to describe everything I've gone through with these people would be too much. just take my word that the best thing to do is to not carry on the relationship. they'll destroy me, I'll go mad. that's why I hate anything they send me, it terrifies me, I want it gone.

and those were Christmas gifts.

thx fren

You're not being lazy. I've been so hard on myself in the past trying to fix myself and everything, and then I collapsed. You have to take leave, take rests. There's nothing lazy about balancing mental illness and education. And I understand completely; you don't have to say anything about it. I was just curious, but I don't want you feeling uncomfortable by telling me. It's whatever you feel like, if you'd like to talk about it or if not would be more comfortable, it's whatever. That sounds very rough; I'm sorry all of that happened to you. I understand parents wanting their kids to get better and not knowing how to professionally help, but I feel like shipping your child off to a facility because of his or her problems just makes a little teeny bit of progress and a lot of damage. Idk. There's lots of different cases, but I mean in the sense of parents really trying to get rid of their kid for a while because they can't handle it. Just makes me angry. I wish I could contact Alyssa, I wonder if they let her out earlier. I heard subacute was for a year or more, but after the first time getting physical?? it doesn't make sense to me. sorry I'm rambling. I'm glad you're feeling a little better, even if it's not a revolutionary "the sun is shining and the world is great" feeling better. Any bit is better than none at all. I get that with the break from school too. Even though I'm homebound, the work load is still so rough and heavy and I have piles to work through. I don't know what my grades will be at the end of this year, but I'm sure they won't look good on a collage application. I've seen a bit of Social Repose, he has a helła amazing voice. I'll look up the video later. I do understand what you're saying, I feel that way a lot about happiness too. I always think of Tyler Joseph's distinction of happiness and joy, that joy is happiness in one moment, and true happiness is over a lifetime, hard to reach. Joy is temporary, but we can always fight for happiness. Sometimes it's a choice, and sometimes it's a chemical imbalance. We have to experiment with ways to get us to the point of having the option of feeling perpetual joy, happiness. And how could I not care about you and your story? You're an amazing person and I wish that I could somehow be there for you in the ways you've been there for me. The thing I love about meeting people online is that you get to see them, their personality, their heart, before anything else. Before a name, before a face, before a story. People are free to be themselves on places like these, and you can see personalities blossom and grow or deflate and wither. But we've all seemed to weave some kind of support group; it's crazy to me that I was lucky enough to find this community of people. I think that there are many cursès with social media, but one of the best things is getting to know and love people all over the world and getting to see their true personality, unabashed. I'm thankful to have found you and others who show me day in and out what is good about the world, when everything out of cyberspace is crashing down around us, we all find sanctuary here for things we feel comfortable sharing and ways we give advice. I love your heart, your personality, your kindness, you're genuine and strong and beautiful. Talking to you is always a pleasure. You definitely have so much depth and strength; maybe it's just hard for you to see it in yourself. Thank you for all of your kind words; I'm really glad that I have found people like you who I can stick together with :)

damÑ I'm wordy I'm so sorry I just have a lot to say 😂😂😂

(reply) nah, it's not a song

it was just a thought haha

Maybe I will-- thank you :)

i loved it especially roger

it can be p slow at times

In complete honesty I hadn't heard of her until I saw your comment, but I just listened to Rampage and so far so good, I'm gonna have to listen to more. I really like her voice it's soft and kind of haunting at the same time. You got the 5th prize. I'll try to start tomorrow :)

YES ILL REMIX IT TO U

(reply) same. like my mom is pretty loving but she's pretty stressed all the time and I don't remember the last time she said something positive to me but my dad is just always there

thanks pal :) I'll give them a listen :)

they're flying in to interview him and they'll fly back, but if he gets the job we'll have to move. there's a job for him here but he doesn't want to teach there ughh

thank you so much fren💜

wait do you know what it is?

they allow a gay relationship but you can't marry it sucks

I'm just really stressed out and I'm getting the urge to cut again

ohhhh okay

I love your account and you always post the nicest things!!

thank you so much fren <3

oh dear I'm so sorry I ended up falling asleep, I followed what you said to do and that helped me calm down a bit so thank you. the urge is still there but I'll be able to fight it

i wrote them actually

re:// i was 8 lmáo

re:// thank ya ☺️

it's super-nova, so basically the same as my user here just minus the underscore :)

yeah it is nice thank you fren💜

yikes I've tried looking up myself so I'm not sure if it will show up, my only advice is to write down the link on a paper and type that in manually to your browser. I know that's a lot of work but it's my only advice.

no @hcpefuhl

omg that makes me so mad too >:|