you only got the hating my life part right dude sorry it's three in the morning im sweating under the covers with a healthy glow from my phone screen. I'm also holding my phone with both hands and my thumbs sticking out \:^)

yeah this is me

HOLY CRÁP

actually I had my index finger on the top for support

but I usually do this

hèck yeah

yeah...

Almost! I have my index finger on top of the phone, my other three fingers on the left side, and my thumb for scrolling/typing

correct

nope. iPad on my knee