THEY ARE GR99 COMPANIES

-when i comment like a normal person I'll put thes3 -

IKR THT one kid who kept flirting with the teacher

oh yay and I SWEAR THAT KID WASNT ME

THANK YOU!!!!

Thank you so much for what you commented on my video. It means the world to me that you liked it and like my voice. I never really thought anyone would like it or me in any way.

Oh and I would think there might be a reason they haven't listened, but it's been 24 hours. Unless it didn't send properly, then there's no reason they couldn't spare three minutes. Ah well.

I've known Nat for five years, and Ky for three. We're all best friends. But I'm too mentally ill for them to handle me half the time, I'm too vulnerable to share anything with them even though I want to. Mom was apologizing and excusing them, but when I told the counselor some of the things about what they've caused me trauma wise she was surprised and said that wasn't good at all. I can't move schools, I can't make better friends, because they're my best friends. They're family. And family isn't supposed to make you happy.

I've actually known Nat for ten years, but we've been best friends five.

I don't really do positive well. none of us were allowed to heal from that, I haven't been able to talk about how deeply any of this shît has messed me up to anyone. I will probably with counseling. I told her my biggest two worries were family and faith, and I guess home ties into both. Ms. Heather was a preacher's wife and her former husband cheated on her and left her. She then went to steal Bryan from Beth. I'm hoping that she dumps his àss one day and leaves him rock bottom so that he can realize what he's done and come back to God. I really can't escape my friends or my family, the only thing I can better is my mind. And I'm trying, I've reached out, for once I'm going to get useful help. The counselor is named Nicole, and it's a Christian based place, so that will be helpful, but. I will find home eventually, maybe. You can't say anything for sure. We can't promise each other answers or a happy life. God can't even promise us that. As said by Edmond Dantés, Edmond: "Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine!"- Karen's favorite movie™. The simple things in life, the small things, are what mean the most in a lot of ways. But my life is built on relationships and the people I love. I've lost so many people to death and I've left so many friends not out of my own volition. But don't you get it? If we had been there for Bryan and Beth, maybe this wouldn't have happened. I blame it on us, I blame it on myself, because we weren't. there. And so many others we weren't there for, for Tori, for Drake. I wasn't there for Mr. Ballard before he died, wasn't there for Tommy. I'm lucky that people I love who are older are still living at that church. But until this year, for ten years, that place was my home. The Bosing's are half the church, they're all broken, things have slowly died since we left. It's our fault our home is gone. Anyways. You can't promise me sunshine and daisies and an answer in life because truthfully, we don't get answers. God needs and wants us to be content in not knowing, in not being omnipotent, because we aren't. But these questions have tortured me for so long and I have so often asked for answers and a home but the second I realize I have one it fades away. I'm really hoping that Dr. Goss' brother and I will have a good connection, that he can fill the hole in all of our hearts from his switch of job. I'm hoping that God will bring my friend Tristan into the honor's academy, the one person who gives me butterflies and can make me day just by smiling at me. He's the only one who has ever been able to do that. I other two years ago that if we were meant to be together in any way, that God would make us falling in love slow and strong. I don't know what will happen. All I know is I didn't get to talk to him much at all last year, but when I did, it was like everything else bad in the world melted away. Maybe I sound gushy and stupid but it did. Maybe I'll find a home in him, because I know for sure he used to feel the same. But all I can do is wait and hope. Because I want promised an easy life; I was only promised that God would walk with me, while I bask in the sunlight, and am shattered on the rocks.

And what I meant going between two lives is literally driving back and forth between homes so we can go to school and live life there, but also go to this church. Even this church has broken a little for me, but I try to look past it. But we have to keep up pretenses both places and juggle honors and AP and dual enrollment and also keep up with everyone we know at our current church but not forget our old. It's just stressful, especially knowing that you can't change anything, that this is our life, and it has been for four years. And I can't escape my closest friends because I won't know what the hełl to do without them because I would be lost and my family and Nat's are as close as us and the Bosing's were/are for the most part and Ky is the deepest person that I've met at this age, but can't comprehend empathy. Idk I cri I'm sorry I'm just so tired