PicCollage

Hi..

I don't know what to say

I want to be in control of my life

I want things to change..

But my mom

I've been lying a lot

For years a actually

But she's found out a few things in the past few days

She thinks I don't care about lying

That I want to lie or that I don't see a problem with it

I just wish she could see

It was either lie to her and hate myself or tell her the truth, let everyone who was counting on me down, and hate myself

There isn't a black and white

Not for me

I hate myself

For lying and for not being here

And see, I could tell her the truth

But she would see everything and based on past experience..

She wouldn't see the good I've done

She would just see that I curse and cut and

She wouldn't see the people I've talked out of suicide

Talked out of cutting

She wouldn't see and I

I don't think I could handle that

Because I already doubt myself

If she told me I was doing badly after seeing everything..

I'm hopeless

And I'm crying...

I'm sorry, Ivory...

I know you hate when I assume things, but I can't help it rn...

I feel like such a fxcking disappointment...

I'm doing everything you hate, and it's killing me...

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry, I'm such a fxcking mess rn...

I kind of feel hopeless

I wish I could write her a home