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OMG THAT WOULD BE ME

that no one even tagged him in! he's not a challenge to drag

so prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe

because this mother fūckers bout to be dragged by his fringe.

first things first you're freakishly tall, it's weird you look like a noodle

you got hair that was cool in 2007

and wet, you just look like a poodle

just throw in an annoying posh voice and, yep that's Dan.

your what would happen if Winnie the Pooh fūcked slender man

you've procrastinated making videos because being judged is scary

the only reason you get views is because you're another white guy

that people ship with his friend because they think it's kawaii!

oh? (reasons why dans a fail yay!) I'll give you some *gasp*

you never tweet

you over eat, all you do is cry and sleep.

with no originality

your family is sad you flopped your law degree at university

and anything that's embarrassing about your past, you just delete

you were vegan for like 3 weeks.

then what? you missed the meat?

wow I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity

you try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic

but can't make toast without tumblr saying your problematic

*gasp* I could go on. there's more if I check

there's more things on this list than chins on your neck

on your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death?

a hundred? yeah

when getting out of bed makes you out of breath?

so your celebrity crush was j-law and now it's Evan p?

what the fūck even is your sexuality

it's hard to put you In a box when you keep it so blurry.

I think it's just to hide that you're secretly a furry.

*cough* I'm joking obviously

okay that went deep. repress it? yup.

before I start crying, let's wrap this shīt up.

I'm going to go and masterbāte

then cry into a slice of pizza

shout out to the other youtubers. especially Ryan higa.

a cringe compilation

mixed with cultural appropriation

met with no depreciation

it's the YouTube nation

click subscribe if you want to watch four videos a year

if you want to see my last one from ten years ago click over here

so leave a comment with your reaction

you can call me a liar

cause you just witnessed the roast

OF DANISNOTONFIRE

*Explosion Sound Effect*

*Sobs*

@caption she is fake áf