i’ve mentioned this once or twice, but my dad has been a youth pastor basically his whole life (career wise) we moved to the city i’m in now eight years ago when i was in the second grade for his new youth pastor job. i grew up in that church and it was so fun to have my dad as my youth pastor, but he got fired two years ago for reasons (aka the main pastor was a doüche) and we haven’t been to a church and stayed there since. i don’t pray anymore, read a bible, nothing. i barely even felt anything at that church, i made myself ‘feel’ something. i want to believe so bad right now, and it’s not helping that on every social platform i can’t escape all of my old friends posting like crazy at youth events. the youth program has turned into all preppy kids and the only thing they do that was the same when we were there is that they still call the Sunday night program ‘Lit’ and my dad created and named it that. every time i see someone posting videos of them there my chest gets heavy and my heart drops just a little more. i miss the feeling of getting on big charter buses with my friends by my side as we stop at McDonald’s at nine at night and make it to the beach. my mom has been calling us in to her room lately so we can pray for my dad bc he doesn’t have any painting jobs lined up rn (remember he paints houses by himself now) and i feel nothing when my mom prays. i sit there and stare at the floor and think about how my little sister hasn’t gotten to really grow up in a church like i did. i stare at the floor and worry about having to sell our house and move in with my grandma.

i remember the best moments were staying after in the youth building, sitting in the hallway in the dark with the moonlight shining through at ten or sometimes eleven at night as my dad finished talking to his old students who were now volunteers there and he’d close doors and lock everything and turn out the lights, and then we’d drive home and look for ufos in the sky on the highway and stop for steak n shake

when we’d go to the beach for a youth retreat, my dad created these things called ‘love sheets’ were you’d put your name at the top of a large rectangular colored piece of paper and on the final night of the retreat, we’d go around and write nice things on everyone’s sheets, and then we’d be decked out in glow sticks as we sang songs and went to the shore when it was dark. the stars over the ocean were incredible

i found my ‘love sheet’ from the last beach retreat i went on three years ago, and i just couldn’t read it. i started and it was all of my best friends telling me how they loved seeing my face everyday and they loved me and my sister and thanked me for having a dad who helped them learn and i started bawling and i threw it on the ground the other day

i just wish my dad was never fired.

❤️❤️❤️

catch me crying in the club man, , ahh I wish so so much there was something I could do. 💞💞

aw that sucks so much. I don’t really know what to say because that is a really difficult situation and... idk. I’ll pray for your dad to get a job and maybe just try keep hope, I think that’s all that can really keep you afloat now