(this is from Thursday) but yesterday (Friday) I drank an iced caramel macchiato w toffee nut syrup (HIGHLY RECOMMEND) from Starbucks at Disney springs towards the end of the day so now it’s 2:31 am on Saturday and I can’t sleep and I’m nauseous bc I love Starbucks coffee but I rarely have it because my heart beats two times for every one time everyone else’s beats apparently bc I’m not on my meds and I’m just anxious all the time without knowing it and now I know why I’m like 100 pounds and lookin like a sticK is bc my heart is always beating fast which speeds up my metabolism so there’s that :p I’m trying to drink a ton of water so I can pee it out of my system before my anxiety gets worse. Most of my entirety is stomach rooted, meaning the slightest feeling of wrongness about anything on my body makes me think I’m going to throw up and I’m pretty sure I’ve got a severe fear of throwing up. I haven’t thrown up since freshman year may 2017 and my anxiety has gotten worse since. Like when my anxiety is bad it’s bc something happened that made me scared I’m going to throw up. During the winter you prolly remember it happened A L L T H E T I M E. And now I’m off my meds so it only happens sometimes and not as severe but I’ve been sitting here thinking the coffee is going to make me throw up so that’s why I’m chugging water lol. Okay I’m so sorry that’s a lot

man I had the same throw up phobia and I would force the vomit to stay down, I feel that 😭 seriously taking omeprozole helped me since it reduces stomach acid which anxiety geneRaTeS like heck

I’m unhappy with my weight now but at the same time I look back at when I was slimmer and I know how unhappy I was bc I was the same and couldn’t keep food down, then I started gaining for no apparent reason and have a hard time getting rid of it oof

I hope you feel better and manage to calm your anxiety some :V

although Tristin called me a Victoria secret model the other day so I’m semi ok with being thicc 😂 finding someone who can be a food buddy honestly helps bc Tristin really did that and it doesn’t have to be a romantic partner or nothin, we just both made each other eat normally again. I’m pretty sure I gained even more when he visited because the boy ain’t eaten nothIN but fast food and junk food since he was on vacation so I followed suit 😂