PicCollage

I’m going on a tangent in a few minutes

oof here we go

so you already know the whole baby situation but I Bring it up because it’s the reason behind... this

I feel guilty but some part of me wants her to give them up

I’d never say it to her but I’m worried

my friend is in high school and their financial situation isn’t the best and I have no idea what the dad’s life is like

but already she’s on rocky territory to raise a baby

but really I’m afraid of change

I was going to say nothing will ever be the same once that baby is born

nothing is the same, oh god I’m getting older

I don’t like this, I make jokes about hating my childhood self but I am not prepared for adulthood

idk why but adulthood seems scarier than death ( I’m not suicidal, do not worry about me in this regard)

because I know what happens in death, the body decays unless it’s cremated

but the future is just a giant ?

“ you can do anything you want?” in this economy??

I have to learn how to drive and get a job and life is moving way too fast

I’ve been reading the handbook but I don’t understand most of what I’ve read

they couldn’t bother translating in layman’s terms

maybe I’ve wasted my time

speaking of wasted time, I wish I spent more time with my friend

I don’t remember if I told you her name

but we were friends since we were little cause our families knew each other

she’s the only person besides my family to ever visit my house and the only person who’s house I’ve been to the most ( again, that wasn’t relative)

she could be bîtchy at times but she was familiar

I’ve always considered her my best friend, no matter what happened

but lately it seems the familiarity has been lost

I remember asking her if she still considered us friends and she said yes

but it feels more obligational

yes we’ll always be friends but only because we’re stuck together through time and our families

we barely spend any time together

we’re like second cousins, I guess we love each other but it’s the bare minimum

truth of the matter is she’s just an acquaintance now

I came out to her on my twelfth birthday, she was the first person to ever know

back in primary school I thought I had a crush on a boy in our class because he wasn’t too ugly and I thought he was funny sometimes

today I call that heteronormativity brought on by the fact that this was when my classmates began “ dating”

peer pressure is a thing as it turns out

but she was the first person I told

bïtćh proceeded to tell everyone about it because that was the year she lost her dam mind

she was also one of the first people I told about my actual first crush

bottom line: she knew my secrets

and what sucks is she didn’t even tell me about her pregnancy, herself

my mom told me about it

and it’s not like she was being subtle about it

I have more I want to say but I’m ending this here. if you don’t respond by tomorrow, I’ll delete all my comments on this post

I poured out my heart and soul to you and yet you ignore me