hi i need some help please :( so my school is still having a prom but only about 130 people are going and it’s now in our school’s cafeteria bc two different places said no to it being held there after it was supposed to. and James and i don’t really want to go if we have to wear masks and there won’t be a lot of people there. so my mom suggested we go out to dinner still dressed up, but i am extremelyyyy anxious about that bc i already get anxious eating in restaurants, and now i’ll be in a prom dress so everyone will automatically stare at us. my mom also suggested we do our own little prom we could probably do in his backyard, but i’d also get anxious being at his house dressed up and stuff too bc i’m not totally comfortable around his parents yet idk it’s just weird to me. that’s why i’ve only been over for dinner once bc i did nottttt like it and it makes me too anxious even tho i might again on Wednesday to hang out w him. anyways, i feel really bad bc all we do is always centered around my âñxíêtÿ and what i’m comfortable with and James wants to do all this stuff all the time and it’s just too nerve wracking for me. he always makes sure we don’t do stuff if i don’t want to but that’s most stuff and i can obviously see it upsets him but he never tells me and says everything’s up to me and what’s comfortable for me whenever we hang out and i feel absolutely awful every time. he’s been trying to get me to swim in his neighborhood pool all summer and i’ve been too scared and i think i’m finally gonna do it on Wednesday but agh. idk what to do about prom so help pls

(cont.) do it on Wednesday but agh. idk what to do about prom so help pls

also, i am a really bad over thinker and James was so sweet and loving to me while he was gone to Connecticut, he came back on Sunday and we FaceTimed later that night and had a small argument about me not practicing driving even tho i need to, and ik he was the way he was out of love but he just wouldn’t stop and kept repeating stuff and he knows what doesn’t help my anxiety but ig he forgot idk. then we were just weird on ft and we apologized for it before going to bed bc we both realized it was weird. but he hasn’t been as loving and sweet to me since then either, like hardly texting me or not really knowing what to say, and being so bland and short w me when we were talking about what to do for prom a second ago. but yeah i over think a lot and i just don’t like when things feel weird between us and i’m just crying in bed bc he’s not really answering me bc he’s either upset or playing fortnite i don’t know. or maybe bc he misses Connecticut but he was talking about how much he couldn’t wait to get home and see me then and he’s just being so weird rn idk. i’m sorry i just over analyze everything and i just wish i could be comforted rn but i can’t

also remixed is something else sorry i just haven’t realized how upset i am until now

Relationships go through ups and downs naturally, that doesn't mean it's going to end, it might just be a rough patch. One thing that might help is using "I" statements not "you" statements. Like, instead of "you haven't been as gentle and attentive" which sounds accusatory, say, "I know you still care about me and I trust you, but lately I've felt like my needs have been invalidated."

I skipped all the school dances in high school and had sleepovers and watched movies and ate candy instead lol, not going to school dances is a totally valid option and you can still have a lot of fun without the crowds, noise, and pressure. Maybe instead of a prom dress you could just dress up in something nice that doesn't stand out as much as a prom dress?

It's good to let relationships push you out of your comfort zone, even if its really hard and terrifying, because that's how we grow. But you should be given all the time you need to get there, and you should never be forced into something you're really not comfortable with. Your fears might feel irrational but they are always valid. Just remember that open communication is so important. Maybe he feels like there's something he needs to say but he can't say it so it's leaking out in weird ways. Maybe it's just a rough patch. But I think you should tell him things have been different and ask if he's okay and explain why you're confused and hurt. It really sucks but hard conversations in painful situations are really what help build a foundation for relationships. If you get married someday it's gonna be REALLY hard sometimes and now is when you're learning to face that as a team.

I wish I could give you a hug ❤ I know it's really hard but I also know you're really strong

Oh, one more thing. Relationships are about give and take. Your needs should be absolutely important to him, and his needs should be absolutely important to you. Mental health stuff does add a special weight to needs, but you both should be looking out for each other. Maybe there's a way for him to do more of the things he wants in a way that's still safe for you, because you both care so much about each other's happiness. Whatever you do, you both have to be able to voice your fear and pain. I know it sucks, and remember to forgive yourself (I'm so bad at that) and be patient with yourself, because being really hard on yourself for what you're feeling doesn't actually make it go away, you have to process through it and talk about it

Thank you ❤

i can’t say it any better than Tiegan did but yea same, I would talk to him with her advice of the I feel statements. Tristin and I have sooo many arguments but they’re never really huge and they always turn out to be from some sort of miscommunication where we don’t share our thoughts or feelings perfectly and he’s probably just has not figured out how to express some part of him right now like she said so it’s effecting the way he’s communicating and acting towards you. but making it through this will really strengthen your relationship. Tristin was too harsh on me instead of being understanding so I was on the opposite end of things where James is being understanding but now possibly going towards impartial because there’s a disconnect in communication, but talking through it in any situation and trying to come to an understanding, even if there’s no agreement, usually makes things feel a lot better. what he wants to say may not be what you want to hear, just as how what you’re feeling right now with how he’s acting and not being as loving will be hard for him to hear or realize. but to move forward, and I know y’all will, you gotta get it out in the open. don’t keep things inside for the fear that it might upset the balance too much. If there ever comes a time where there is something you know you have to keep from him, you’ll know in your gut. but anything less than that can be said.

ty 🥺