and idk, i feel numb. it's so strange, it's just that this year i've met so many amazing people, some who have dealt with mental illness. i never felt this way before. it seems that as i get older, i am less in control. everyone goes their own path. sometimes, they end up off road. other times, they end up with someone who will help them. i don't know who i am. right now, i feel like a helpless coward. i don't know why. i didn't even know her when she tried. but it's just so many teens out there are sad and depressed, and on süícide watch, like her, and i feel like it is so out of their hands, and everyone else's. im just really worried right now.

i just wish i could help everyone, but it never seems to work. i try so hard to put myself in other people's shoes. it doesnt do very well. and there are just so many things i know that i've promised to keep a secret, and so many things i'm afraid of myself.

it's selfish, how i feel, but i really dont have a way with words. im no exceptional writer, and i stutter and can't articulate. i try hard, but i can't write songs. im no artist, no athlete, im not even pretty. i don't have a talent, but i'm privileged. and unfortunately these girls are bullied, or there are rumors spread about them, and they just don't deserve it. they deserve love and hope and better families

it's really great that you're so concerned about your friends, and I understand that. it's hard to know that you can't help everyone. but I hope you know that it's okay to try and help, as long as you don't do any emotional damage to yourself. who's gonna be concerned about others if you can't? anyway, stay strong, bean 💕