Collage by timelessdream


9 7
Oh my goodness, this is seriously amazing! You’ve got some serious talent! While I’m not really that practiced in poetry, I have done some work with it in the past and I like to think that I know the basics enough to provide a little bit of feedback for you. First of all, I love the details, love the imagery, love the subtle rhymes. I love most things about this, honestly. I’m always a fan of good descriptive words, and you nailed it! Now, for constructive criticism (feel free to not take this advice, I do not claim to be qualified to give it, but I’m going to anyway to hopefully help a little). Really, the only thing I can think of right now is working on the flow of the lines. There were some lines that kind of disrupted the flow a bit, not majorly, but enough to make me pause a bit in places that I don’t think it was intended to. Also, something that my English teacher always told me was to take out any unnecessary words. Basically, he said if it makes sense without them (mainly conjunctions and stuff) then don’t use them. Anyways, keep writing, you’re amazing!