to try and get it before it got on my pjs, but then it disappeared when I wasn't looking. I shook out all the clothes and finally decided to just wash them because I didn't know if the spider was hiding in them or not and they were nOt going back in my closet. But then, later, I had turned off the lights and thought I saw a huge beetle or tick on the wall, so I freaked and turned the lights back on to realize it was the nail, which definitely had not been crawling. lol. why those kinds of hallucinations, weird àf. I legit thought the spider was real until this morning when I realized 😂😂😂 I washed my clothes and freaked out for nothing. And that was only 15, around 25 I'd probably start seeing dead people

please don't take any more

Plus, I then went to bed. Who knows what else I might've seen if I'd stayed awake.

But I want to talk to someone about this irl and I can't talk to the counselor because she's gone and I have to wait until August when school starts back. I didn't think I was ever going to take any more again. But I know that if I ever do take it again, it'd be 20. because I'm that kind of person. and so I need to get it off of my chest, but I can't because I promised mom and dad I wouldn't take anymore again. The effects have finally worn off but I'm still torn as to what I should do. One cool thing though, when I was on it, I could make up beautiful sounds and music in my head. maybe I should take a ton in the future whenever I want to write music like Ryan Ross 😂😅

But it makes you so lethargic to the point where it's extremely hard to focus and it feels like you weigh a thousand pounds when you move. you don't go to sleep peacefully; you toss and turn for about an hour until you finally get over that hill of restless exhaustion. You have auditory hallucinations that you can usually pick out as hallucinations. it's almost like extremely loud sounds from dreams and thoughts that invade your head.

and don't forget dry mouth holy shît

that's the reason I stopped in the first place, because I was so frustrated that I couldn't sing in chorus because of my stupidity.

You definitely need to talk to somebody about it irl. Do you have the counselor's number or email or anything? If not, that's a long time to wait. Do NOT do NOT do NOT take 20 unless you fancy visiting Wonderland or St. Mungo's.

I just researched diphenhydramine. It doesn't just make you trippy and delusional and dry-mouthed. It's really addictive. It can get you sick as shît. It's serious. I know that you promised and I know they'd be upset and they might not handle it well, but tell your parents. Tell somebody who can keep you off of those pills.

Those pills are of Satan.

Burn them.

Too bad, burning them seemed like a good idea. 😂 Does your counselor know all the stuff you told me in the long comment (besides what happened a few hrs ago)? And how did your parents react to Chris? You might get out unscathed if you say that the pills were tempting you and ask that they put them someplace else. You're definitely not Chris. This is real and you know exactly how real it is. 15 is too WAY too many judging from the episode above, and I guess that makes any number way too much. The thing that scares me though is that you never thought you'd take 15, and you don't think you'll ever be underweight.

I did have a good's night's rest, and I hope you did too. I'm sorry I didn't read that earlier, I fell asleep and my iPad died. To think that I was anxious because VBS interferes with school! If you can, you should fill your counselor in with anything she doesn't know already when you do see her, including the fear of repeating family mistakes and how people might think you're like your brother, when you're not. I don't know for sure, but I think that having a plan and having thought so much about it may qualify you as suicidal. At this point that might just be label. Do you have the number in your cell/house phone or do you have to get it from your mom? If you want to take the pills again, call the counselor instead. Those muggle doctors usually know what they're doing.❤️