I just realized that on August 26 it'll be 1 year since I had last spoken to my best friend of 7 years.

last year she moved soccer teams (we met in soccer), and we found she was playing in our division still. things got awkward but we tried to act like it wasn't happening. on August 26, she invited us (me and my other friend. we were like a group of three. the three musketeers I guess.) and it was pretty awkward, but again we pretended like things were okay. they weren't. we were falling apart and me and my other friend realized that.

who knew that "see you soon" would be the last words I would of ever said to her. when the time came around to play against her in soccer, i had actually gotten sick and couldn't come or play.

I dealt with the loss okay on the surface, but on the inside I was a hurricane of emotions. I thought I was ready for a new start, but I wasn't. i was anything but ready. I remember crying one night. I had officially lost all of my friends that night. it was confirmed that was my one and only true school friend was moving schools, and obviously me and my friend had just stopped talking.

now that third friend in our group was and is still my friend. 8 years in spring of 2018. but can you ever feel when you feel you're sailing further and further away from friendships, and they're slowly falling apart no matter how much glue you apply to try to keep it together. In my life time I've lost 5 best friends. soon to be 6. I'm only 12. what am I doing wrong? am I annoying? am I clingy? I thought I was a good friend. clearly not.

Sick of Losing Soulmates- Dodie. the song that is currently matching my emotions perfectly.

goodnight everyone. I needed to get this out of my system. I rarely talk about it to anyone because it's such a sad topic for me. but thank you if you read this all. I really really means so much to me. thank you all for being here for me. I really need a lot of you guys. thank you💞

ok so there's what, 8 billion people in this wrecked world?

there's what, 8 billion people in this wrecked world? just because 6 of them decided not to be your friend(which makes no sense to me because you're amazing) doesn't mean that nobody will. and i read it all... just know that i'll always be here for you :)

just because six of them don't want to be your friend(and i don't see why they would do that- you're amazing) doesn't mean that nobody will.

also just know that i'll always be here for you if you need to talk...

@reply THANKS FOR THE TIPS CAROLINE YOURE THE BEST. WE CAN LIVE THROUGH THIS. also ^^ i'm so sorry about this. you're an amazing friend and i don't really understand why they left you. hopefully things will start to look up soon, and if they don't, you can always talk to me

im so sorry but caroline you're an amazing person and i know its hard but if you get out of your comfort zone a little bit and talk to people then you will have so many friends because you're sweet funny smart strong and just an awesome person i know things will get better for you :)

mine hasn't started I still have 1 week💗