AGH i keep thinking a lot and wishing i was like certain other people and trying to physically act like them or dress like them (nooOOooO not preppy kids) and i keep thinking about not being in indoor winds and missing out on it all and i really don’t wan

prettyrad

AGH i keep thinking a lot and wishing i was like certain other people and trying to physically act like them or dress like them (nooOOooO not preppy kids) and i keep thinking about not being in indoor winds and missing out on it all and i really don’t wan


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AGH i keep thinking a lot and wishing i was like certain other people and trying to physically act like them or dress like them (nooOOooO not preppy kids) and i keep thinking about not being in indoor winds and missing out on it all and i really don’t want to do it next winter as well but i want to be in the “it group” of band as i’ll be an upperclassmen next year and i just wanna be like kandmxkxlwlfk STRESS
* want to be likeD
i had a panic attack in asl yesterday even though we literally had to go in front of the class and sign three words. then i cried four times after that and was stared at
idk what to dooooo with my life like i DEFINITELY want to pursue music bc i’ve discovered hidden talents i have aka: HEARING WHISTLE TONES IN MUSIC INSTEAD OF THE NORMAL PITCHES??? but i also want to work at disney world during college and there’s a major chance i won’t be able to and i’m trying to find music colleges that aren’t so prestigious
i still want to be in a band. like that’s it i’m not changing my mind. but i havenT FOUND ANYONE WHO WANTS TO ACTUALLY DO IT FOR FOREVER WITH ME and that sounds like such a kid dream and idk
i’m in like this weird dépreśsive state rn where i’m not totally aware of me being dépreśsed and i’m just super quiet and anxious and heavy
ALSO i have always been in on level classes (except for band) and i’m trying to waive out of the AP Lang i was supposed to take next year, so like if i want to get into a music college i’m afraid i won’t be able to bc i’m so not smart and have no smart classes
like i wanted to be drum major next year during marching band and that looks good for colleges BUT i don’t want to do it anymore bc i realized it wouldn’t make me happy, being in the stands and performing on the field makes me happy
bUt iM nOt EvEn GoiNg To MaRcH iN CoLLeGe
help